How to Set Healthy Boundaries

What are boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits you set around your time, energy, emotions, body and belongings. They help others understand what you’re comfortable with, and they protect your well-being.

Signs you may need stronger boundaries

• You often feel resentful or drained after interactions.
• You say yes when you want to say no.
• Work regularly spills into evenings or weekends.
• You feel responsible for other people’s feelings.

How to set a boundary

1. Get clear on what you need. What specifically is bothering you?
2. Keep it simple. “I’m not able to take that on this week.”
3. Use “I” statements. “I need some quiet time after work before we talk about plans.”
4. Be consistent. Boundaries are easier to maintain when you hold them.
5. Offer alternatives if you want to. “I can’t talk now, but I can call tomorrow.”

Examples

• At work: “I don’t check email after 7 p.m. I’ll respond first thing tomorrow.”
• With family: “I’m happy to visit for the afternoon, but I won’t be staying overnight.”
• With friends: “I’m not comfortable discussing that. Can we talk about something else?”

Handling pushback

Some people may be surprised or resist at first. You can acknowledge their feelings without changing your boundary: “I understand this is different, and it’s what I need.”

If setting boundaries feels very difficult, or you’re in a relationship where boundaries aren’t respected, a therapist can help.